Wristy Business
I was sitting in an airport the other day and my flight got delayed. Not surprising, given the state of the American airline - not American Airlines, in particular, though certainly they are not any better or worse than the rest of them. As an aside, in fact, a friend of mine - talking about potential mergers of airlines and auto manufacturers - said, “One big pile of steamin’ poo mixed with another big pile of steamin’ poo - what do you think will come of it?”
But, anyway, as I said, I was sitting in an American airport, and I’d had my share of fried food and airport cocktails, and I was back in the front seats at the gate, hoping that I could flash my platinum card and slide onto the plane with the first-classers, the wheelchair grannies, and the moms with their strollers and nose-picking toddlers (please, let me get on before the nose-picking toddlers!).
There was a guy sitting next to me, with a laptop that I don’t even believe has been invented yet, so cool and slick was it. His mobile phone was like the phone that Darth Vader would have carried if George Lucas in the 1970s had ever envisioned cell phones that appear futuristic. I believe his luggage was actually powered with Stealth technology.
This guy was obviously successful. Enviably so. I mean, every guy who saw him there at that Major American Airport was salivating over his Incredibly Great Toys. However, as I watched him type on the super-sweet laptop, with the kind of typing skill that only a guy with a highly paid secretary has, I noticed more.
Frayed and grimy cuffs. A broken button on one sleeve. Overly long sleeves on the jacket of his suit, which, while expensive, was so badly tailored that he might have been Dr. Evil. And we all know what Dr. Evil’s love-life amounted to.
And then he reached for the F7 key. Spellchecking, obviously. And that’s where this story becomes almost Stephen Kingsian.
He was wearing a great, big, heavy, ugly, Goombah link bracelet, probably made of titanium, which is a fine metal when it comes to anything except jewelry. I think there may have been rubber involved intertwined, present.
I hate to say it, but it’s true… scary, yes. But also true.
Needless to say, these hands - which bore no sign of a wedding ring, partners’ ring, or even a fraternity ring - were in no way close to any romantic partner. They were, undoubtedly, the hands of a man alone.
I blame this on his lack of style.
Had his fingernails been neatly trimmed, rather than bitten to nearly the quick, they might have been attractive. Had his cuffs been French cuffs, tailored in a fine cotton and starched properly, they might have given the idea of handsomeness. Had they been fastened neatly with cufflinks, rather than adorned with a hideous rubber-’n'-titanium bracelet, they would have been stylish. Had they been encased, overall, in a jacket of fine wool rather than ridiculous drip-dry petroleum product, men and women alike would have swooned.
It amazed me that so many people work so hard to attain the toys that they believe will attract others rather than concentrating on the basics. In fact, I have never understood the idea that some people have that they can just buy a bunch of crap and ignore the things that will really make people stand up and take notice: the kind of attire that lends itself to confident bearing and a sense of overweening self-assurance.
It’s so important that a man understand that it’s his character that people will remember. However, the public will question that character if he looks ridiculous.
All of your clothes should be in good condition and cleaned to the point of perfection. Your hygiene should be impeccable. And your accessories should be classic. They can express your personality, but they must - absolutely must - be classic.
Your watch should be a good watch - and by good, I don’t necessarily mean expensive. The lines should be sleek and stylish, and the colors should be harmonious. Your tie should not be emblazoned with cartoon characters or witty little innuendoes. Your cuffs should be neatly clasped with decorative cufflinks that will give people an idea of your individuality without being so attention-grabbing that they border on the absurd.
One wants to capture an audience. Do it in the right way, and you’ll make a favorable lasting impression.
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